Tempers Flare: Dealing with Tantrums and keeping your sanity

There are times in every parent’s life that they will have to deal with the dreaded temper tantrum.  It happens to all children at some point and time. Even the most complacent of children can become overwhelmed to the point that they are throwing themselves into the floor, screaming and crying. The important thing to remember during this time is “this too shall pass.” While it is unpleasant to endure in some cases there are ways to keep your sanity without being bullied, and yes that’s what’s happening, by your little bundle of joy.

Tantrums usually start after the child’s second birthday. Tantrums  can start sooner but not prior to being at least 8 or 9 months old, prior to this age any fits they have are not true tantrums. By this time your little angel has learned a lot and wants to put that into action, there’s one big problem though . . . his communications skills are still developing. By age two, most likely, your child is feeding himself, sleeping in a toddler bed (or twin size, some parents skip the toddler bed completely), he can help dress himself, and he can say some things, what and how much are dependent on the child. Even the most fluent of two year old speakers have moments, several of them, during the day in which they can’t get across exactly what they want or don’t want in some cases. Enough of these moments during the day can lead to a full blown melt down.

Tantrums also occur when a child is told “no”. Not all “no’s” turn into a tantrum but if it something that your child really wants or wants to do it could lead to tears. A lot of times your little guy is trying to be a big kid and gets frustrated being told he can’t do something. These tantrums probably happen more often than tantrums over a miscommunication or any other issue but all tantrums can be handled the same way.

The good news is there are ways to deal with a tantrum without giving in. If you tell your child “no” over something by all means, stick to your no! Don’t change your answer just because little man is throwing himself in the floor screaming. This will only encourage more tantrums. Sticking to your guns will not only lessen the length of a tantrum over time, it will also lessen the occurrence of tantrums over time. There will be times when your “no” is made quickly, almost reactionary, and it isn’t fair to your child that you have denied him this thing. The thing could be anything a movie, a toy, a treat or even going outside on a nice sunny day. If he’s thrown himself in the floor kicking and screaming, however, that should be enough to keep you from changing your mind. If, however, you feel like prior to the tantrum he deserved whatever he was told “no” about then wait until the tantrum has subsided, and you can speak to him. When that time comes and you are about to reverse your “no” be sure to explain that the reversal has nothing to do with his action, and that his actions almost caused you to not reverse your decision. This way he will be know that the tantrum didn’t win him his way, that the love of his parents made them realize they too could be wrong on occasion.

It is important to remember to keep your cool during this time. Nothing will prolong and exasperate a tantrum more than a screaming child and a screaming parent. Screaming at an already screaming child will only make things worse.

So how do you deal with a tantrum without giving in or losing what little sanity you have left? Identify a spot in the house that can be used as a tantrum spot.  A tantrum spot is a place or room in the house that has not objects that can be broken or used to cause injury to one’s self or to others. A child in the midst of a tantrum may hurl objects at unsuspecting bystanders or hit him or herself with these items. Once you have identified this spot in the house, place the child there when ever a tantrum is in progress. This spot is sort of like a time-out spot, it actually might be the same spot, but unlike a time-out the child can scream, kick and carry on here.  Once the child is there just walk away, don’t give your little ball of fury an audience. Most children throw tantrums to get attention and ultimately get their way. Don’t give them the opportunity to gain that coveted prize. If the child follows, then place him back in the spot and again walk away.

Once the tantrum is over is the best time to discuss why the tantrum happened. If the tantrum happened over the word “no” explain why you told him no. With time he will learn that you do have your reasons for blocking his fun, and as he gets older he will appreciate you more for it. Explaining it to them helps them understand how much you actually do care about them, even if, for half a second, when you said “no” they felt betrayed.

If your child can has become frustrated trying to communicating remember, he is little and try to help by telling them to point or repeat back to them what you think they said. Not only does it show your child that you are listening to him but you have the opportunity to help him to learn to enunciate his words and speak more clearly. By helping him this way will help reduce the amount of tantrums that occur over lack of communications.

The important thing to remember is that all children have a tantrum every now and then. Once they learn that a tantrum will not gain them their way, the amount and frequency of them will lessen. Just keep your cool, let any discipline be done out of love.

Raising Christian Kids

Christian parents are fighting a war. There is a daily battle over television, books, and friends in an attempt to raise godly children. It’s a struggle. But how is the war won when the world is everywhere trying to tempt them away?

Christian parents need to bear in mind that no matter how much they preach, actions speak louder than words. Do they whine, grumble or drag their feet when it comes time to walk out the door? Do they say one thing and shout the loudest “amen” at church then turn around and do the exact opposite at home? Children as young as one or two can pick up on when parents don’t do what they say they should.

Some parents might argue that the minister spends all his time talking about them. If that is the case then it is possible that those parents might want to look at how they are living their lives. It is possible that the minister is not talking directly about them but about activities they shouldn’t be participating in. Again these actions speak volumes over words.

Other parents might argue that their chosen church is just no longer exciting or interesting. These parents need to immerse themselves into the scripture. This will make their walk with Christ stronger and more exciting than just hearing what others say the scripture say. These parents might find that their church doesn’t preach the word as it was intended. If this is the case then they might choose to find a church that teaches the word as it was intended.

Parents need a church that is supportive. If the church that they attend doesn’t support them as they strive to raise their children as Christians, or doesn’t have children’s programs to help them with this task it might be time to find a different church. Children are the future of the church, it is to their benefit to have programs to help mold the future leaders.

Parents need to look at their lives first and foremost when it comes to raising Christian children. They are responsible for living the life. Their church should be a supportive network that can assist in their children’s education of the Christian life. Yes, there is a lot to contend with especially as the children grow, but giving them the foundation they need when they are young will make all the difference.